What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
