I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize