I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
