I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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