I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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