So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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