tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
