OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im holly from the hills drunk
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
