my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
