I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
