I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
