Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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