My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
