he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The Olympian is in my bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
