He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
