Can i not drive my cunt home
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
