dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
