You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
