Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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