Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
