Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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