OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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