I want to have your abortion
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need water and some morals
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
