Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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