Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
