I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
