Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
