WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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