Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
