scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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