you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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