The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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