I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize