it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
