Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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