your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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