So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
