I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
love makes seman taste better
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
