his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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