Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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