You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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