Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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