By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
