roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
