Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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