I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
