ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
