there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
