it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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