i would punch a child for taco bell
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
