it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
