yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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