Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
