i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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