i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
