Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
