She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
