im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
