If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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