great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
