sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where does the pee come out of this thing
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
