i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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