I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did i walk over a car last night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
