Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize