you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
