we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
