My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
