there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My friends, they love my intelligence
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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