i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
