every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
