whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
