i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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