TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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