if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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