I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
