I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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