Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
