Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
