dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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